Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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