Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
