I love black thongs
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
