Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
