I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this is an emotional support booty call
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
