my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Randomize
