I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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