She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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