Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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