Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
