the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I will die if light touches me.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
