the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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