fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
