So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
