my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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