I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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