I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
