PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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