Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
