It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize