Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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