just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
send nudes
from the living room?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
