Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
