2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
