Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
