She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
