a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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