Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize