I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize