My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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