i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
