I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
