Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
