i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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