I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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