I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
