I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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