who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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