I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
They took my balls.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
