Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
