he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
