i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
