Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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