Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
