She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
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