forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
