I forgot how hot balto sounded
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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