marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
