She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
