I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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