I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
