swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
