If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
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