the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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