ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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