if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
