you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
