Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
