I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize