No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
