A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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