I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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