Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
