I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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