I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
