I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
