U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
