The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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