Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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