it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize