better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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