does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
