I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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