There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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