you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I can't put those talents on a resume
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Randomize
