dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
