My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
