remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
