For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize