ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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