I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
