I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My balls are so social today.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize