So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
