All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
