And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You have to summon your inner elephant
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
