JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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