just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
