I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
