Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
