It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
