I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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