Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
