oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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