Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
