i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
