Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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