How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
